Bob Simpson - Received a recent requests from Newcastle and Spurs to take over as manager.

Simon Kitson - We have an ambulance standing by

Tim Cranville - One of our only married players. Not allowed out for team socials as a result

Dave McCullough - Beware the strange nose piercing

Stewart Wright - The transition from rugby to football has not been smooth. Too many deliberate handballs last season

Andrew Thompson - First step puppy, second step children. It's a slippery slope

Bernard Hall - Moved to London. Should come back and play more often

Reg Shaw - Verk weak when it comes to throw-ins

Jeremy Ten Broeke - Short but fast. Naturally left-footed

Mike Haynes - Sick-note. End of Story

Jon Harris - Turns up to four out of every five games. But works hard when he does turn up

Billy Owen - Great at attacking the uphill goal

Ian Kent - Cycles to every match.... so is knackered before we even kick-off

Scott Bell - Quick considering...

Tom Green - Our Spanish centre forward. Known to take a siesta mid way through the second half

Terry Evans - Dreams of a life as a rock star

James Murray - Related to Andy Murray but rubbish at tennis.... and football

Britney Adcock - Makes the tea and cuts up the oranges

Tina Last - Turns up to watch every game home or away. We don't know who she is or where she comes from